“Seen by many, known by few”
We were asked to watch a Ted Talk by Monica Lewinsky and answer the following questions;
- How does social media desensitize?
- How can compassion displace shame in social media?
- What are you prepared to do?
How does social media desensitize:
In Monica's talk she made a statement, "Seen by many, known by few". Social media does just this! It desensitizes by making things seen by many, secret acts or mistakes or sometimes even false, invented judgements against others are seen and posted and shared and spread. There is alway an individual behind the desensitizing that we would understand if we would change the ‘known by few’ to known by me. Understood by me.
When I think of the word desensitize I think of how the government a long time ago used video games to desensitize soldiers to life and killing so they would be able to kill in the war. Before that point when faced with hand to hand combat it was hard for many of the soldiers to kill, so the military trained them by desensitizing them to human life by having them graphically kill while playing these games.
Today we face the same type of desensitizing but on social media. When someone makes a mistake or has secret acts or sometimes even false, maliciously created stories and attacks are directed at individuals and/or groups of people. Just like in the case of the soldiers being able to become desensitized into killing easier, social media can do the same thing -desensitizes us by, as Monica said in her speech, we are "Seen by many, known by few". People forget that behind that story is an individual, an individual that may be hurting because of the 'sharing', spreading of stories whether true or false it doesn't matter. When the word is spread through social media, people make judgements as they sit behind a digital device and it becomes impersonal, they forget or don't care that this is a real person behind the story.
How can compassion displace shame in social media:
I think it needs to begin with each of us putting ourselves in the others persons shoes -- thinking first about placing ourselves in the situation and truly evaluate how we would feel if we were that person being shamed. Take away the desensitizing by humanizing the situation again. Change the 'known by few' to there is a real person behind the problem. That doesn't mean we need to agree with what someone is doing (like in Monica's case, what she and President Clinton did was hurtful) But we shouldn't gang up on people when they're down. When I see someone that others are picking on I stand up for them. I think of how I would feel if I were them and how would I want to be treated. None of us start off in life wanting to make mistakes. Our human nature, beginning from the time we are born, is full of love and the desire to do good. It isn't until life hits us hard a few times that we begin to change. We start off wanting to do good and then sometimes allow ourselves to feel deep hurt or anger. Compassion in social media can start with each of us. I personally don't like a lot of what I see on Social Media so I don't use it a lot. People immediately judge posts. I have seen compassion in SM when people use it to post POSITIVE ideas, help for others in need (financially or otherwise) videos that are uplifting and character building and hopeful. Quotes that inspire. Unfortunately according to a recent study I just read, we a a people in general usually have a tendency to follow negative stories instead of the positive ones. In part because we want to know how the negative situation turns out and the positive things leave a peaceful feeling so we don't spend as much time looking into it. I have to hope that this is again due to our human nature from the beginning where we want to do good and some of us want to make sure others are ok but unfortunately I have other people too that like to wallow in the misery of others.
What I am prepared to do:
I have never and will NEVER attack others on SM. I have witnessed suicides from individuals I've know that were attacked and cyberbullied. I think positive comments begin with our own selves. Our minds are powerful. I know that when I think positive thoughts about myself and others my life is happier too. I recently started a positive 'clicker experiment'.
I believe that one person CAN make a difference. Its begins with us. If we make a stand to be kind to others and respect the opinions and mistakes of others. Love the person even if we don't agree with what they do. Accept them for who they are. I choose to let people be themselves and love them for who they are and I hope they will do the same thing for me when I make mistakes myself.
We need to start with ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we’ve made. For not being perfect. Knowing that we can do better the next time. That life is full of chances to learn and to grow so giving myself a chance to recognize the good and positive things I do is the place I need to start. Changing the feeling of being too hard on ourselves personally for our past mistakes is where it begins. I started a ‘clicker’ campaign with myself, where every time I think about something positive I click this hand counter that I wear around my neck. My goal the first week was to get 100 clicks each day. Forcing myself to consciously notice the positive things in my life. After I started this my mindset started to change a little. I felt a little better. I noticed the really good things and the simple little good things, more easily. The things that made me happy more often. It started to become easier to notice good. I started to think a little different. To feel a little different. Better. A little better, more positive about my life. It has always been easier for me to be nicer to everyone else, rather than myself. But by allowing myself to mentally enjoy the positive things in my life, the simple little good things, I am stronger, more able to lift other people in my life in a positive way, like I enjoy doing. I have found that when I look for the good and positive things about other people and try to help them, mine life becomes more positive too. I forget things I should forget and begin to notice and feel the positive. Feel the positive. Notice and enjoy the simple and great things in my life.
I am prepared to continue to notice good things about other people and tell them. To notice the hurt and move and take action to help to change that. We can make a difference in our own lives and others too. I am just one person, but one person can make a difference in one persons life, then maybe two, or three… Monica Lewinsky is just one person that is speaking to many, helping everyone to understand how she was ‘seen by many’ but really ‘known by few’. I love that statement. Something I realized is that we all have life experiences that make us who we are right now today and that once we take the time to understand why someone is the way they are, to get to ‘know’ them a little, we can understand them and then begin to love them for who they are. Noticing the positive things about them and learning from them ourselves. The anger or hate and judgement can be gone if we stick love and little more understanding and patience with ourselves and others in its place. Social media is a ‘fake’ a ‘virtual’ life most of the time that desensitizes us to real life and each other. Face to Face is the best way to gain true understanding of who someone really is. Then the 'known by few' could change. In order to replace shame with compassion in social media we all need to turn off the desensitizing digital device and go support individuals in person when they are struggling and need help, instead of sharing the story and doing nothing personally to help.
